Stench... argh.

A relaxing ride home. Let me catch up on some sleep on the bus. That was what I hoped for. Was that too much to ask? Argh!

Couldn't sleep through the whole ride. Why? Cos of this super smelly, Obese Corporal from God knows where, who happily came and sat beside me. Not only does he occupy 2 seats, the stench emanating from him was nauseous.

Let me clarify. I have nothing against chubby folks. Just this super smelly corporal that boarded the bus and decided to share his smell with everyone. Is the SAF THAT slack nowadays? That they can book out in an obviously dirty long 4 and remove their garters in public? He was just a DISGRACE to the SAF. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS shower b4 booking out, especially if you're gonna be on a crowded bus. You've worked hard the whole day, you deserve a nice cool shower at the end of it. NEVER NEVER NEVER be out of attire when you are in uniform.

So yes, my day was further frustrated by the stench in the bus. It was so bad I had to stick my nose into my bag and try to smell my laptop. Urgh! Really had half a mind to ask for his 11B and unit, shoot and email to his RSM and ensure he dun book out for the next week.

Looks like I have my work cut out for me this week. Lots of work to do, little time.

"Close my eyes... Let the whole thing pass me by." listening to the rain... 9:51 PM 0 comments

---

Sunday

Almost didn't make it to service on time. Our church is kinda strict on punctuality, so have to get there in time or we'd get locked out from service. Managed to get in before the service door closed... phew.

I guess I'm glad I went today. I realised that I am afraid of many things. I fear how others look at me, I fear commitments, I fear being alone and I even fear death. I always thought, dying is a good thing. End of the line, no need to think anymore, no more worries, problems unsovled but no longer my problem etc etc. But I fear death, because I am not ready to meet God. I don't know how I can possibly account to God for all the things that I've done, for all work things I haven't accomplished.

Anyways, had a long chat with Adrian as well. Seldom get the opportunity to talk to him 1 on 1. Had to discuss about my repositioning down from leadership level. Besides that, it was good talking to him about some of my problems and burdens. Some of the best advice I get about stuff usually comes from him. My only regret is that I am not able to meet up to my own expectations of being at the leadership level. Time to move on.

Talked about the relationship area in my life as well. I guess its something that I find myself arguing over. And I was surprised that Adrian was encouraging me to keep a look out for a good life partner as well. I can only say that, I don't know what I want to do in life yet. And not many girls would want to take a bet on someone who doesn't even know where his life is headed. My unilateral outcome of that discussion was that, its not that I don't want to; but that I don't fit into the long term plans for anyone considering a serious n stable relationship. The sucky truth.

Okay... I can smell the food downstairs already, and I'm famished. Its been a long day. Had to fetch Isaac back from church as well. The boy was asleep and had to carry him all the way to the taxi stand. He's not getting lighter, and growing way to fast. Such an adorable boy.. love him to BITS! =D

Oh crap... tomorrow's Monday. listening to the rain... 6:07 PM 0 comments

---

I've been here before. I've seen you before.

I'm damn tired.

Jaded.

Where have you gone?

Silence.

Why do I feel like this?

Cheated.

Projects and assignments coming soon.

Screwed.

Red, Blue and BLACK!! ARGH!!

Missed.



Eh, I really don't know what to blog about. Don't wanna think, don't wanna plan, don't wanna..... DAMMIT!

Sunday, don't know how to explain to them.

Headache. listening to the rain... 8:38 PM 0 comments

---

Birthday Party!

Just got back from Derong's and Juan's birthday party. Man I'm tired... barely 4 hours of sleep for the past few days.. I feel like a zombie already. The party was alright, but a bit dull at the beginning. We spent like an hour waiting for the birthday kids to arrive. Sze was there even earlier with the cake, haiz. No sense of urgency.

Oh! Bern!! Did you remember to give out the mealworms?? Haha! I was so engrossed playing bridge that I forgot totally about it! Darn!

Haven't played bridge in a super long time. Despite that, I think I still managed to calculate quite well. Yes, there is a lot of calculation and planning involved. I was surprised that EY could play bridge as well, hahaha, he really didn strike me as the sort. I think among DR's friend, Diane was the better bridge player. Very calculated cards. EY was damn good also. Hahaha, he surprised me in being my partner once. That I totally didn't expect. Don't worry Bern, will teach you to play as well. Very fun one.

Was a bit pissed off today though. First it was the stupid math lecture. I mean, this kinda thing, lan lan suck thumb lar, must go and attend. But it doesn't feel good though... Totally wanted to have a relaxed Friday afternoon.

Then at the party... someone had to get himself drunk and make a fool out of himself to all the juniors. Don't know what to say to him, didn't want to say anything either. I don't like to waste time talking to drunk ppl... They won't understand and probably won't care less. Chinese got one saying... 对牛弹琴。 I always believed that an older person has to be an example for others to follow, show some standard!

Aiya, enough ranting. I need to go peel my contacts out of my eyes. Feel so dry after being on the whole day. Need to spam at least a dozen ends tomorrow to get back in the feel of archery. OH !&*!^@# forgot to return that archery anatomy book to library!! ARRGH!! listening to the rain... 11:42 PM 0 comments

---

Nice and rainy again today.

It seems that the rainy seasonn is here at last! Was dozing on the bus back from school this afternoon, and I remembered thinking to myself, (non-aircon bus) "I wish the weather wasn't so hot. I wish the breeze wasn't so warm." I dozed off, and when I sort of woke up, I felt the air become much cooler. Looked up... Rain clouds! =D Before I knew it, the rain came crashing down and I had to shut the window that was letting the breeze in. Talk about a backfire... ha.

By the time I got off the bus, the rain was subsiding and was only drizzling steadily. Took a short walk in the drizzle just to feel the rain and the rush of cool air that followed. Really shiok sia! For a moment, it just felt so refreshing.

Okay, its one of those "what was I doing the same day last yearS" days again. Let's see, October 26 2005.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Okay, time to boast abt results. I really have to say I'm very happy with my results. I think i did quite well this time.

I bagged a total of 3 A's, 1 Distinction, and a B. The B dropped my GPA from a perfect 4 to a 3.889. That sucked, but well, thats the price to pay for tuanging her lessons. =/

Gonna go zzz now i suppose. Been playing Navy field lately, great game. U'all should try it.

www.navyfield.com

Guess what? I'm STILL playing Navy Field! Woo!

And lets see October 26 2004?

Oh, didn't blog on the 26th October 2004. Too Bad. Blogger doesn't keep archives more than 2 years old. So I don't have October 2003.

Anyways, about this time in 2004, I was waiting to ORD. Hohoho! I still remember the mood... snoozing in camp whenever I had the chance. Going for Mess events, CO Evenings etc etc. Daily trips to Ah Ho's kitchen for breakfast and lunch. No outfields, little work, and lots of time to spare. But boring as hell.

School was Same-O same-O today. Woke up early to go for math tutorial in the morning (i've got patients from woodbridge who planned my timetable). Arrived Half an hour late. The lecturer gave me the "tsk, u're late look again." I couldn't be half bothered... until I realised I couldn't do that graph theory shit. Oh! Screw up again. Was supposed to have a presentation today for our report writing module. (Strange huh? Presentation for report WRITING...) Apparently we were supposed to be formally dressed. And I was there as usual in polo-T and jeans. HOHO! Everybody was in shirt n pants, and all I could do was put on my jacket. Still, I got B+ grade for the presentation. The rest only managed Cs and Ds. Haha! To think that I didn't dress up at all.

Met James for lunch at the club house. They really should do something about FoodCourt 3. The crowd is RIDICULOUS! Poly really should look into staggering the lunch timings between 12 and 1pm. Everybody likes to flood to FC3 cos its nice and central. Damn you lazy bastards! I go there cos my clubhouse is right on top!

I realised that I've been having a staple diet of roast chicken rice, and chicken cutlet rice from Roast Kitchen and chicken talk respectively. Its either 1 of these every alternate day. Really gotta look into something more... interesting. I don't wanna eat that for the entire 3 years.

Rambled enough. Better start downloading Black Lagoon again. listening to the rain... 6:55 PM 0 comments

---

Bungling day...

Mistake after mistake after mistak. Thats how today started. I was supposed to wake up for an 8am class this morning. I got up at 6am, and went to the toilet. Stared at myself in the mirror and decided I'd go back to sleep. And I did. Wanted to wake up at 8am to get ready for the 10 am class, but instead overslept. Woke up at 9am. I reached the class half an hour late.

Nevermind. Totally forgot about the stupid slides I had to do for RWP. Rushed it up, and got it done. But dissed myself off in the process. Then I missed the make up class at 3pm! Totally slipped my mind that due to YESTERDAY's holiday, we'd need a make up class. So... I totally forgot about it.

Okay. I'm getting a little concerned about my work attitude. Been super slack so far, and I've noticed I'm falling behind a bit with my MAD and NSM work. No idea what's been going on in NSM. Sharks. MAD still hanging tight, but haven't been doing well for the quizzes. The quizzes are a PAIN IN THE ASS! Each question carrying a weightage of 1%. WTF?!

The weather seems to have cleared up a lot after the heavy rain this morning. I've always liked rain. The air becomes cooler and a little fresher. Its just the humidity pick up that I hate. In my opinion, watching the rain trickle or flow down a clear window, against backdrop of lush green vegetation is one of the most relaxing things to do. The pitter pattering sound of rain drops against the glass, rythmic yet impossible to anticipate, forces you to surrender your listening to the natural ensemble. You'all should try listening to the rain sometime. Its a treat for your eyes and ears.

Its been more than 2 weeks. The wait has become inconsequential. I shouldn't hope for too much, or hope at all. listening to the rain... 9:02 PM 0 comments

---

The sky is CLEAR!

Its 3am in the morning now. Looked up at the sky, and can see some stars! Its clear!! NO MORE HAZE!!! WOOO! listening to the rain... 3:03 AM 0 comments

---

A holiday!

Man! How long has it been since I've seen one of these? Besides school vacations, I've not seen a public holiday in a while man. This means I can sleep in like a pig tmr. =D

Was out with the Archery Bunch again. Wenta this place cafe for dinner and down time. The food wasn't all too bad but a bit on the steep side. The atmosphere was ALRIGHT, except that they were playing music off the radio. That totally killed the mood. I asked if they could play some lounge or jazz music instead... to no avail. Their bass set up was so terrible that it cracked even when playing bass heavy tracks that were on the radio! Besides that, everything else was good. Especially the company! Really had a good time everybody! =D

Did a lot of nonsense while we were there. After dinner, Bern remembered that Sze and Weiyi didn't get to try eating the meal worms yet... MUAHAHAHAHA! We popped over a few stores down to pick up a pack and bring it back for our new victims! I didn't know there was a party shop there, and it had a hell lot of other pranks besides the edible insects. You can find masks, props, hats, costumes, as well as an assortment of other wicked stuff you can imagine for a party. The Tequila flavored mealworm lollipop caught my attention though... *sniggers*

We got back, it was time for the showdown... MUAHAHAHA. We pulled out a few, and distributed it to sze, weiyi and even BK (who was trying to escape it). I think WP got a few to share with his buds as well. Anyways, the looks on all their faces when they looked at the mealworm is... PRICELESS. With proper peer pressure, everybody down their worm, much to our evil delight.

**Bern, YOU are soooooo "NICE". MUAHAHAHA! To think that you'd actually make them eat the worms in such a "pleasant looking" restaurant. AND PUT ON BK's poached PEAR somemore! LOL! **

Besids our wormy adventure, I think we had loads of fun teasing the boss's girlfriend who happened to be working there. Okay, this is my take. She's working in a place where she has to climb stairs with patrons sitting sometimes closely under the it. She also has to serve customers who are sometimes seated on the "floor" cushions. And for some strange exhibitionist reason, she decides to wear a really short flaired skirt, and a very low cut blouse! Nvm lor. We just enjoy the view whenever... LOL! J/k lar... I'm not that desperate yet. Oh not to mention that her blue bra was showing, and her unsightly squats that flashed EVERYTHING to Bern. (PS: Bern had the best view throughout the whole performance!)

The rest of the night was okay. I think I was in the total "chill-out" mood by 8pm. Its the kinda mood I get into when I just want to sit down, have a nice chilled mug of Kilkenny's, stone and listen to the music. Sadly, the place had neither Kilkenny's, nor the music. Ended up just listen to them chit chat. Ha.

Unwind today.

Wind up, tomorrow.

Time to plan for Christmas! listening to the rain... 12:19 AM 0 comments

---

Still nothing.

Its been... 2 weeks. Still nothing. I guess thats it. Game over.

I was prepared that things would turn out like that, but still feel sad lar. How did something that feel so right turn out like that? Darn.

Had another quarrel with mom again this morning. I have no idea why she is so adamant about attending service. Honestly, I don't see why I can't just miss it ONCE. In the end, the story is still the same. She wins. But at least everything was resolved peacefully.

Can't wait to move on in life. 1 more year to go before I can move out of poly. Graduate and start work. Hope to get the position offered to me @ mindef. Hope that they won't think I'm irrelevant anymore. Hope to MOVE OUT. I just want to move on. Yet there is nothing I really look forward to life. Its just moving on without a thought.

Church today was... fast in fast out. Nope, I'm not exactly in the right mind to go in and just hop around to the music (as good as it was), nor was I ready to face God. Avoided Adrian like a plague. If he saw me, he'll be sure to grab me to talk about the repositioning. I don't really want to discuss that at the moment. I need some peace and quiet. I need S-P-A-C-E. I just need to zone out... and not be in anybody's responsibility for a while.

I've been letting too many people down lately. Hearing disappointment in their voices, seeing it in their eyes is just too much a guilt trip for me. Sorry... I fucked up.

And its not being limited the people close to me. Somehow, I think I indirectly caused someone depression. Damn it. Why can't I stay out of other people's lives?


And every time I think I've finally made it
I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before
I see the clock and it's ticking away
and the hourglass empty
What the fuck do I have to say



I really think I need to go away for a while. listening to the rain... 7:51 PM 0 comments

---

Death Note!! Finally!

Wooo! Caught Deathnote with some of the archers today. Its not bad for a movie adaption of an anime. The minor details differed from the anime, but it wasn't too huge a difference. The movie was a bit disappointing in the beginning, cos everything was very "spoonfed" to the audience. Is it worth a weekend rate? No. But hey, for an anime nut like me, I guess its alright.

It was a bit of a last minute rush for me, cos I didn't confirm I was going with weiyi until quite late. In the end, I had to quickly book the ticket via the web. ANd there was a $1 surcharge using the card somemore.. haiz.

Chilled out at starbucks after the movie. Attrition rate was 50%. BK and EY & co. wanted to go back home n rest. So it was down to ET, WY, Bern, Sze and myself. Chit chat there for quite a while, just to unwind. I don't know why, despite being so slack this week, i'm tensing out a lot. Anyways, chatted about everything lar. Haha, discovered that I was not the only one who condemns Nokia customer service. Sze apparently hates thems as well. It was partially due to their bad customer service that I decided to switch away from Nokia PERMANENTLY. Never again.

Note: First time I ever saw Sze n Bern with make up on! LOL! Not too bad if I must say. Well done girls!


Something on the serious note. I'm moving down from the YouthNet 144 leadership. My lack of commitment to responsibilities at this level has finally convinced Adrian to remove me from his 12. The next step apparently is to "put across" this news in a "GOOD" way, a positive way. I say screw it. Just the plain simple truth without details is the best. Thats just the way I handle things.

Most probably he'll put me under 1 of my brother's 12. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that. I think I need to just float around a bit for now. Take a break from all this. It saddens me, but at the same time it relieves me of a lot of burdens. Perhaps I'm just commitment phobic as well. But suddenly losing a "family" now... kinda hurts as well... Guys that I've considered my brothers for the last 2-3 years...

Nevermind. Everything's gonna be alright.


This is a very funny lecturer from NTU (electronics i suspect). He revies some hilarious survey feedback. Check it out.




Oh... I dreamt of Sun Yanzi last night. Don't ask me why... Haha, but it got me listening to some of her songs again. The current "earworm" (sorry les, borrow ur terminology) is "遇见." listening to the rain... 12:15 AM 0 comments

---

Weekends again...

Seriously, I'm really not looking forward to weekends or weekdays. I'm bored of life. =/

Nearly bummed myself to death in school. Spent the entire morning in lab... Networking lab then Multimedia lab. Macromedia Flash is beginning to leave a foul after taste. So complicating.. argh.

Hung out with Bern and her sis Eunice @ PS after school. Wenta taka to get some yakitori bento, and a cup-a coffee @ Secret Recipe. Basically walked around and shopped around. First time talking to Eunice. Very friendly and chatty, just like her sis. Runs in the family? Ran into Bear and his project buddy as well. Well actually they spotted us first. They were also quite sian lar... rotting @ kopitiam trying to pass time to watch Deathnote. Ended up sitting there to decompose together as well.

Thinking if I should join WY & Co. for DeathNote tmr. I'm really itching to get some decent ends @ training, but the air is kinda bad lately. I guess if the PSI hits 100 by the morning then maybe I'll join them for the movie. See how lar.

Oh... saw this movie poster @ PS just now. It's a war movie by Clint Eastwood about the battle for Iwo Jima. You may recall a very dramatic picture of American Marines planting the stars spangled banner on some mountain? That was done @ the battle of Iwo Jima. Anyways, the movie is called "Flags of our Fathers." Apparently there is also a Japanese perspective part of the movie, entitled "Letters from Iwo Jima."

Here's the trailers for both. I'm not quite sure what's happening yet, but if its 2 seperate movies, I'd watch both. =D

Flags of our Fathers.


Letters from Iwo Jima & Flags of our Fathers. (Jap Perspective)


And this one is an excellent "preview" written about the movie, as well as the research and pains taken to make the movie.
Click here!

Just a week or so ago, I was complaining I had no movies to watch.. now I'm drowning in work AND movies AND anime. But hey, I'm NOT complaining now. =D listening to the rain... 7:29 PM 0 comments

---

Bad boy! You go to Jail!

You go to jail bad boy! You no wake up n go math tutorial @ 8 am in morning! Bad boy! Ah watchya gonna do? Whatchya gonna do when they come for you?

Sorry that was sooo random. Yes, I didn't manage to wake up for math tutorial in the morning today. Feel so retarded... That doesn't usually happen. Darn.

By the time I got to school, I was already half n hour late for my 10am report writing class. I don't feel sorry about it. That class is a waste of time to me. But hey, if its a free "A", I'm game.

Totally unfruitful day. Did nothing. Watched 5 episodes of anime, played sudden strike 2... Yes, I think nowadays, I pretty much have no life. Somebody kill me!! Oh wait... how do you kill something that has no life? South Park rawks. listening to the rain... 11:54 PM 0 comments

---

You me and Dupree

Its another one of those crazy movies. Half romance, half comedy, and half-wit. It was a great watch to relieve stress after a long day at work.

Work work work... I'm gonna be drowning in practicals and quizzes soon. This semester has been totally disorganised, and its not just on my part. It seems that my lecturers themselves are a bit befuddled on whats going on. Can you spell DOOM?

They changed our module syllabus as well. They've cancelled our 4 month internship programme for a 9 week ITP during our long holidays. Or rather, WHAT HOLIDAYS? And in place of the empty semester, they've added new modules to fill it up. The reason? They foresaw direction which the industry would be heading and decided to change our modules to make us more competitive. How now brown cow? Just moo-ve according to the change lor.

Anyways, hanging out with the archers was fab. Gonna have to get into a mored detailed discussion with Sam on pasta again. Only pity was that its a weekday, no time to hang around for after movie chit chats.

I was hoping the outing would... replace a couple of memories. It didn't. Looks they're here to stay. listening to the rain... 10:28 PM 0 comments

---

Study Study study

Study until DAMN sian liao lor. So many bloody power point slides to cover for 5 bloody MCQ questions worth 5% of our module grade. Stupid StupiD STUPID!

Had like 2 cups of coffee within 2 hrs for math lecture. Seriously, I don't know what I'd have done without it. Totally slept through NSM lecture today, couldn't stay awake for the life of me. Sleep until drool somemore... ha.

I think some residue of the coffee is still in my system, wide awake now. I guess I won't be sleeping for a while. Better do something fruitful like revise... ah.

Spent a lil time over dinner discussing what I'd do after graduating. As usual, dad wants me to help anchor Project Smile in Singapore. I really am not interested. Could see he was a bit disappointed, but he still said "Its okay, I won't force you." It makes me feel a bit guilty, but I really have very little interest in magic of community service work. I guess I'll reconsider at a later point. It seems that my Dad hopes to get all of us into Gateway-E. I don't know if I'm prepared for that kinda work/life. Its not that he doesn't hold reservations as well. He's also concerned that if we all work for him, and if he were to die or Gateway closes down, all of us would be in for a lot of trouble. It sounds crazy, but the likelihood of the entire family going out of job is likely. Pfft.

I'll reconsider. Besides, I don't really like IT anyways. But Mindef still appeals to me. =D listening to the rain... 11:36 PM 0 comments

---

Practicals... argh.

So much practicals to do, and I'm so lazy to start work on it. I know I really shouldn't be procrastinating, else it will just pile up. I'll work on it tomorrow. (LOL)

ACJC girls have just proven themselves again, to the noisiest, but most entertaining bunch of SBS Idols in existence. BK n I were on the bus heading home, when they started singing about some El Nino nonsense, then some techno-sing-along thing. It was so funny that couldn't help but burst out laughing. And yes, til today, they live up to their school's reputation of being one of the flirtier and friendlier bunch around. ;-)

Was supposed to start work on my MAD practical when I got home. As usual, got distracted and ended up watching the Sentinel. Excellent movie portraying the US Secret Service. Nice plot... but still the affair with the first lady leaves a foul taste behind.

My parents are on the way back right now. Mom just called back to let me know they've touched down, and Isaac sounds wide awake. O.O (trouble) Haha, but I still love him to bits!! Mom sounds like she's in a good mood. Hopefully this phenomenon will remain throughout... She gets too high strung and pissed off way too easily. =/ And yes, I'm still fearful of how things can turn out.

Yesterday night was rather... strange. In the short span of an hour, I recieved news relating to life and death. Earlier, an sms from my G12 bro, that his granny passed away. And later, another G12 bro, that his wife is pregnant! Condolences and Congratulations, respectively.

Life without something to look forward is really hard. I don't look forward to weekdays, I don't look forward to weekends. Time passes way to slowly like that, and it isn't particularly cheeful either. Maybe I really need to make something up for me to look forward to. But what?

All suggestions are welcomed. Feel free to leave ur suggestions in my tag board... Oh make that CBOX now. Tagboard's become too unreliable. listening to the rain... 11:09 PM 0 comments

---

Its gonna be alright.

On the way to church this morning, I asked myself, "Would she call or sms me?"

Its 10.55pm now. It seems like the answer is "no." And I guess I know why too. I feel ashamed that I carried so much hope. But its okay, everything's gonna be alright. Part of me feels a little more lifeless and jaded, but another part of me feels a bit wiser as well. Live and learn, no pain; no gain.

An unexpected someone came to pray for during service today. She's a big sister to me ever since we were kids. I see her around once in a while, but we never spoke ever since I left the cafe workplace at Funan. She felt burdened to pray for me, and she did. God must have really spoken to her somehow... cos she was right on target with the words in her prayer. She was right, I am feeling a bit lonely, somewhat forgotten, and very jaded. And God knows that, and feels the heartache, no... more accurately, “他为我心疼”. It was a reassurance that God's still with me, despite what I go through, the pains, the sadness, the solitude and even the sins.

The truth cut like a hot knife through butter. The truth that I am not really alone; God is with me. That I'm not really forgotten; cos He remembers. And in my pains and sadness; He understands. It was a reassurance that I needed, but refused to seek. Today, I guess He didn't want me to run any further. Thanks MQ jie, thanks Dad-up-there. Everything's gonna be alright.

If it wasn't for my Dad-up-there running timely, divine interventions. I would have been ashed already. Perhaps really forgotten. No, I've not fulfilled my destiny, whatever it may be, and God's not gonna let me go easy without fulfilling him. Given my complicated background, I'm glad I know God through the families I've been entrusted to. If it wasn't for all that I've been taught, I would not have been able to handle all the hurts, pains and sadness given to me by this stigma of rejection that I carry. If it wasn't for His timely intervention with people like my jie, or my friends, I would have quit a long time ago.

A special thanks to all of you. My friends n archers. Everyone of you have brought special meaning to my life, and no doubt, a blessing in your unique ways. Really appreciate you all. Sometimes, I wonder what I could have possibly done right to deserve blessings like all of you. I'm still wondering. =P

And my best buddy, Nessa. Thanks for letting me burden you with my painful moments. Totally enjoy ur nonsensical moments as well too! Tho we don't talk much nowadays, u'll still be a buddy.

Alli... It's been a thrill to have known u, a huge blessing as well. I've learnt much and grown much knowing you.

Everything will be alright!

Thanks! listening to the rain... 10:46 PM 0 comments

---

Chill out day.

Ahh.. Haven't chilled out like this for such a long long time. Spent a good 3 hours + chit chatting with Bern n Bk @ Venezia. Ice cream was fantastic as usual, the company was the best part. Yes yes, we were supposed to be @ archery, but we have a good excuse!

For me, I haven't shot for 3 weeks, and wasn't hitting well. So I didn't wanna push myself too hard this week. All I wanted to "feel" my bow again. And that I did. Bern was tired out by the badminton in the morning I think, so she wasn't doing to well either. Don't quite remember BK's excuse, but I think it was a lil similar to mine. =D I'm a slack archer, so I won't bother trying to defend myself.


The morning started out rather strange. Quite out of the ordinary for a training Saturday. First of all, some guy slept on my shoulder on the way to school. As usual, I was quite knocked out, and didn't know. It was Kailing (a few seats in front) who kindly informed me as we were getting off. YeeuUCkk!

Went to the clubhouse, got my bow, set it up and...... went to play Badminton with Bern n Bear. See what I mean? Haha. Damn tiring playing with them, but fun still. Had to stop cos we didn't have any decent shuttlecocks left. Darn!

Then it was just shoot shoot shoot until Venezia. Training pace was soo slack. We were just idling and chatting and shooting at our own leisurely pace. I like it that way. =D

The chill out session and ice cream really topped off the day very nicely. Haven't felt so cheerful in a long time. Thanks! listening to the rain... 7:46 PM 0 comments

---

SouthPark: World of WarCraft.

For all you World of Warcraft players... this episode is funny as hell! =D

listening to the rain... 1:20 AM 0 comments

---

Another youtube post. =D

This Latino fatboy can sing... well. Almost. Its seems his backup vocals are better singers though. But hey, I love this song.



I think I found the Esso station Bern told me about. The one with all the import beer... WOO! Unfortunately, I'm a picky drinker. Sometimes I just need a drink, so a can is all I need. But sometimes, I'm looking for the atmosphere, the music, and the people. I'll see what kinda mood I'm in tmr. =D

And yes, I changed my irritating tagboard away... so now I'm on Cbox. Tagboard was getting a bit unreliable being down so often. So tada! Presenting my Cbox.

Recieved all the animes today. Transaction complete. Pleasure doing business with you, Bern. Something to keep be occupied on my boring Sunday evenings finally. In fact, I'm gonna be busy for quite a while... I've got TONNES of movies and anime to watch now. Yippee!

And of course, there is GAMING!! I FINALLY learnt how to play DOTA! And I think I did pretty well I must say. =D But my fav RTS is still Sudden Strike 2. Its all about range, firepower and artillery. Of course, Tanks help when you really need to brute force through an enemy line. Lock n Load! Hmm planning to get Falcon 4: Allied Force as well... Shall I??

Boring day, I wenta school a bit late today. Totally missed my morning NSM class. Hope Mr Alvin wasn't too dissed about it though. Slept all the way on the bus home... THANK GOD. Brain totally shut down the moment I sat down. It helps when I'm that tired out. It seems that at least 1/3 of my sleep hours are on the bus. Which is about slightly more than 2 hrs. On the average I only sleep 4 hrs at home. Yes, that makes me effectively awake for 18 hrs a day. And on the average, I only spend 3 hrs doing productive work!

I'm slack. Really slack.



Living without you, my world becomes so empty

my day's are so cold and lonely

and each night I taste

the purest of pain. listening to the rain... 9:16 PM 0 comments

---

Forgotten

You know when you're messed up when you get wound up so easily. Every tiny little mistake, be it a word or deed threatens to set off a nuclear explosion inside you. And when you're someone like me, you'll tend to search yourself to find some fault thats causing all this, and eventually realise that perhaps the fault just lies with yourself in your entirety.

Personally, I've always thought, "maybe if I go away, every problem that I've caused would go away. Forgotten." Part of me wishes for that but when it really happens, I realise how painful it is to be forgotten. Perhaps it maybe forgiveable to be forgotten in death, but to be erased from the memories while I'm still alive maybe beyond what I can endure. Yet from time to time, I catch myself yearning for it...

Some wounds never heal. They are merely forgotten until it's accidentally afflicted again. And then, they hurt again.

The ride back home was not what I expected. All I wanted to do was sleep. Slumber until the bus lumbers its way back home. Instead, I found myself thinking and thinking and thinking again. A single thought chaining itself to another series of notions, mulls and laments. And for each of those thoughts, expands another forest of thoughts. Sad to say, my mind refuses to shut down and feeds on these thoughts like a starving mongrel.

Thankfully, all it ends when I'm a stop away from home. It is as though a visual stimulus forces my mind to abruptly terminate its trance like thought cycle, hit the bell, and alight. Yes, you're right. I think way too much.

However, the damage is done. In that forest of thoughts, lies a particularly tree whose thorns inflict the sharpest of pain at the moment. That forgotten tree. Something I sorely need to get my hands on. I forget things easily. School work, appointments, G12 meetings... but I can't forget people. Maybe their names, but not memories of them... with them. listening to the rain... 6:08 PM 0 comments

---

千里之外。。。

This is one of Jay's hottest release now. Its titled 千里之外。I don't really know how to translate that into english... But a literal translation is "beyond a thousand years." I don't really know how to post what I really feel sometimes, but I guess this video does say a lot.



The MTV brings a tear to me eye. A sad and familiar story... The stagehand would never have been together with the singer, they are from totally different worlds. Cruel ain't it?

I'm really getting sick and tired of school. Having to squeeze onto the overcrowded 74 every morning, smelling every mother's son's BO, and stupid indian couples snuggling together at the back of the bus. For heaven's sake, if you can't afford to do it at home, get a room.

Can't concentrate when I get to school, can't focus on what's being taught. My head races, thinking and thinking non-stop, about totally academically unrelated stuff. And I tire myself out like that and fall asleep during lectures. Ahh!! Whats happening?!

*PS: Looks like my tag-board server is down. Feel free to use the "Comments" below while they get their shit together. * listening to the rain... 8:48 PM 0 comments

---

What a day!

I wake up in the morning only to be greeted by arguably the most explosive news of 2006. North Korea's Nuclear weapon test... If there is a time to think about panicking, its now.

Anyway, school was a bore... Reached class half an hour late. Well, thats because I woke up 45 minutes late. Spent the next few hours working on Flash, trying stuff out... I really have to say, this multimedia stuff, fun as it may be, is not my cup of tea.

Spent the bulk of my free time pouring through new articles on the weapons test, reading the world condemnation blah blah blah... All talk, no action. I was quite surprised of China's harsh rebuke of North Korea. Yes yes, I lead a boring life. I read news during my free time and let my imagination run wild. Blame Blood+ for coming to an end, and Bleach for being so slow.

I need some new action packed anime to watch... any reccomendations?

The air has been much better the past 2 days. I can go outside, take a deep breath, and not choke. That is like excellent. Previously, the air in Singapore seemed to smell a little like Bogota, Columbia. I tell u, the air there is SOOOOO bad that its like putting ur face next to an exhaust pipe. PSI 150? No, Bogota was like PSI 500 or something. Severe health hazard.

When it gets really quiet, I still catch myself thinking. Just really thinking hard, if I did anything wrong or said anything wrong. I don't know. I do and say stupid stuff sometimes that piss people off without knowing. Maybe I really messed it up? I don't like to think like that, but I can't help it. The worse part, is after all that thinking, I'll arrive at no answers. Just more questions.

DAMN!
Song ringing inside me: Wherever you will go, The Calling
listening to the rain... 8:59 PM 0 comments

---

Special Report : North Korean Crisis.

Yes, the North Koreans have done it. They've successfully detonated their first nuclear weapon, officially entering into the nuclear weapons club. But will the world put up with it? To accept a nuclear North Korea would only result in one thing, the rapid proliferation of nuclear weapons in asia. There are few options that remain now that North Korea has officially declared its possession of nuclear weapons.

There will be little diplomatic options, as North Korea has now percieved itself to hold the ultimate trump card. Sanction and cutting off crucial supplies would take a few months to effect, and may create a greater crisis with North Korean refugees trying to pour into China and South Korea.

Even with a military option, a conventional campaign could easily stretch for months. The same problems faced during the Korean war will still exist today. It would be impausible to bomb North Korea into submission as well. This is a country that has been entrenching itself since the ceasefire. You force this tiger into the corner, it's gonna hit back with everything it's got. This time, it includes nuclear weapons and ballistic missiles.

Though most unfavorable, a conventional ground war, psy-ops would be the most likely option. If China is willing to cooperate in such an effort to exact a regime change, it would most likely to form the northern anvil for a southern hammer. With the US military tied up in the middle east, such a coalition against North Korea would most likely consist of neighbouring states like Japan and S. Korea. With American Generals in command naturally...

And finally, before getting into a half-assed war like Iraq, the UN needs to consider how to stabilise the region and manage what was once, "North Korea." The best plan I can dream of is a divide of the entire North Korea, each governed and managed by the coalition states. (Think E.Germany, W.Germany, except in more parts) Perhaps held until South Korea is able to absorb and take over control, region by region. Again, such a plan would be costly. There will be Hell to pay for. listening to the rain... 8:47 PM 0 comments

---

Dreaded weekends

I am beginning to loathe the advent of weekends. I am beginning to hate being stuck in the weekends itself. Not that I love school and wish weekdays would run infinitely, just that the weekends feel kinda lonely and boring. Its not as fun as it used to be. At least not as fun as when.....

So here I am, awake and sitting on my bed on this fine Sunday morning. The Sun is out, the air is good (PSI 31). What are my plans for today? Waiting to change up and go for youth service, find some corner to hide and rough out the service. After that, quietly disappear and head home. Yes, I'm feeling anti-social. Feels kinda dead... somebody bring me back to life. (Stop that cheesy Evanasence thought floating thru ur head now!)

Hmmm maybe I should go PPCC and shoot in the evening. That sounds like an idea!!

oH wait.. I left my bow @ the club... *STAB* listening to the rain... 11:01 AM 0 comments

---

To die in guilt, so that others may live in glory?

This was a sentence that ended a little discussion I had with Bern. It seems that I had no answers or comment to it that night, but I think I finally found it.

And guess where I found it? In the Bible! This is how it goes.

Isaiah 53:2 onwards to verse 12.

2My servant grew up in the LORD's presence like a tender green shoot, sprouting from a root in dry and sterile ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. 3He was despised and rejected--a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised, and we did not care.
4Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God for his own sins! 5But he was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed! 6All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the guilt and sins of us all.
7He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led as a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. 8From prison and trial they led him away to his death. But who among the people realized that he was dying for their sins--that he was suffering their punishment? 9He had done no wrong, and he never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man's grave.
10But it was the LORD's good plan to crush him and fill him with grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have a multitude of children, many heirs. He will enjoy a long life, and the LORD's plan will prosper in his hands. 11When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of what he has experienced, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins. 12I will give him the honors of one who is mighty and great, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among those who were sinners. He bore the sins of many and interceded for sinners.

Jesus Christ died taking all our guilt and shame on the cross, so that all may live. To think that I forgot that... *kicks self in ass.*

I've been feeling kinda sad lately. Small, insignificant, and overlooked. Spent a bit of time with my brothers from church, and with my ah pa, Ps Adrian. Most importantly, spent a bit of time listening to what God has been telling me.

I've been trying to find my significance, and love from people around me. Especially someone. And that was all I cared for lately. And when I didn't find it, I felt miserable. In this period when I sought love and acceptance, I forgot that God loves me and accepts me. No doubt when I felt miserable and sad when I didn't find that love and that acceptance, God in His way, felt the same when I did not realise His love and acceptance.

It brought some healing to the hurt I accumulated in the recent months, as well as a renewed understanding that God's love for us, and his acceptance is eternal. Sometimes, we all need to run to daddy. =D

It'll take time to heal from hurts, and to learn the lessons. But this is life. Pain endured, lesson learnt.

Really glad I went for G12 meeting today. I realised how I much I still love God, but how distracted I've been as well. listening to the rain... 11:32 PM 0 comments

---

Black Lagoon Season 2 Announced

Here is the youtube video I found containing the trailers. Psychopath twins... well, the best and worst things do come in pairs.

listening to the rain... 7:29 PM 0 comments

---

Black Lagoon Opening Theme : Original MTV

Found this on youtube. The MTV is fairly dark and sensual in a way. Artistic, but a bit over-doing it. Decide for yourself.



Will blog further later. listening to the rain... 6:21 PM 0 comments

---

Brush up on my arabic?

Considering something crazy now. I don't know how my parents will take it if I ask them about it, but I feel determined to go. I know it sounds nuts, but paying $$ for a 4-5 month attachment/assignment to the middle east... esp when I don't even know which country yet.

Yes, I can hear the comments and words of advice coming now. "Foreigners get abducted in the middle east!!", "They get their heads chopped off!", "Terrorist bombings happen a lot there!" Whatever man, the riskier it is, the more I'd wanna go. Haha. Yes, I'm nuts!

Seriously, I doubt it will be anywhere very risky lar. According to Bern, the benefits of having overseas ITP seems almost too good to pass up. Better recognition from potential employers, and perhaps even affect rate of advance. Sounds good... I better start making enquiries.

Setting my mind on this, hope that the doors are still open for this opportunity. Not gonna let my parents talk me out of this one! Ha! Perhaps only 1 person can change my mind about this, but i'm sure that person won't. =D

我还是在想着你。。。 在想你是否也想着我。
还在等待你的来讯. listening to the rain... 10:27 PM 0 comments

---

Long day, short memories.

Not a good combination. Long day, lots of stuff to remember, but my brain's a bit too slow handle. Damn.

Had a quiz in class today, for our Mobile applications development. Its quite silly. This quiz composes of 5 MCQ questions. And it makes up 5% of our module grade. Silly is an understatement... its RETARDED. Anyway, I totally forgot about it, despite being reminded about it just BEFORE LUNCH. And when I went for the class after lunch, I was like "OH SHIT!"

Totally expected to fail. Didn't know 4/5 questions that was asked. Die lor? The rest of the questions was totally... random educated stabs in the dark. Contradictory, yes I know. The Gods must have been smiling on me today. It was a 5/5. In hokkien speech, "Heng ka lao sai!"

A stroke of luck, i bagged 5% for MAD just like that. Somebody shoot me!

Haha, recieved some fairly nice compliments regarding yesterday's perfomance. Especially the ones that said I looked handsome and spoke eloquently. Even if it happens to be my buddy's mom n dad... -.- But hey, thanks!!

If anyone's asking, tell them I'm single but not available. Still waiting. =D listening to the rain... 8:51 PM 0 comments

---

Its finally done!!

The day is over!! All the rehearsals paid off! I remembered my lines and did the illusion nicely! For three shows too! WOO!! I'm dead tired.

Its been a great weekend. Special Thanks Bk, Bern, and Sze for turning up! Ha, I know it was only a short segment, but you guys made my day. The rehearsals for this may have been tiring, but now that its over, I feel a great sense of achievement. Why? Cos this is my first BIG illusion. (Involving props that big...) Hope I didn give away the secrets tho... Hope you all enjoyed yourselves too!

I'm in a good mood this week. Yeah, things may not be as bright as cheery, but still, I feel happy. Its been great spending time with my family, preparing for this show. We never really got a chance to work together like that, and its been a wonderful experience. But no, I still don't wanna join the family business. Heh...

Here's a happy song for a happy weekend. Enjoy!
listening to the rain... 11:18 PM 0 comments

---