Still nothing.

Its been... 2 weeks. Still nothing. I guess thats it. Game over.

I was prepared that things would turn out like that, but still feel sad lar. How did something that feel so right turn out like that? Darn.

Had another quarrel with mom again this morning. I have no idea why she is so adamant about attending service. Honestly, I don't see why I can't just miss it ONCE. In the end, the story is still the same. She wins. But at least everything was resolved peacefully.

Can't wait to move on in life. 1 more year to go before I can move out of poly. Graduate and start work. Hope to get the position offered to me @ mindef. Hope that they won't think I'm irrelevant anymore. Hope to MOVE OUT. I just want to move on. Yet there is nothing I really look forward to life. Its just moving on without a thought.

Church today was... fast in fast out. Nope, I'm not exactly in the right mind to go in and just hop around to the music (as good as it was), nor was I ready to face God. Avoided Adrian like a plague. If he saw me, he'll be sure to grab me to talk about the repositioning. I don't really want to discuss that at the moment. I need some peace and quiet. I need S-P-A-C-E. I just need to zone out... and not be in anybody's responsibility for a while.

I've been letting too many people down lately. Hearing disappointment in their voices, seeing it in their eyes is just too much a guilt trip for me. Sorry... I fucked up.

And its not being limited the people close to me. Somehow, I think I indirectly caused someone depression. Damn it. Why can't I stay out of other people's lives?


And every time I think I've finally made it
I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before
I see the clock and it's ticking away
and the hourglass empty
What the fuck do I have to say



I really think I need to go away for a while. listening to the rain... 7:51 PM

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