Its gonna be alright.
On the way to church this morning, I asked myself, "Would she call or sms me?"
Its 10.55pm now. It seems like the answer is "no." And I guess I know why too. I feel ashamed that I carried so much hope. But its okay, everything's gonna be alright. Part of me feels a little more lifeless and jaded, but another part of me feels a bit wiser as well. Live and learn, no pain; no gain.
An unexpected someone came to pray for during service today. She's a big sister to me ever since we were kids. I see her around once in a while, but we never spoke ever since I left the cafe workplace at Funan. She felt burdened to pray for me, and she did. God must have really spoken to her somehow... cos she was right on target with the words in her prayer. She was right, I am feeling a bit lonely, somewhat forgotten, and very jaded. And God knows that, and feels the heartache, no... more accurately, “他为我心疼”. It was a reassurance that God's still with me, despite what I go through, the pains, the sadness, the solitude and even the sins.
The truth cut like a hot knife through butter. The truth that I am not really alone; God is with me. That I'm not really forgotten; cos He remembers. And in my pains and sadness; He understands. It was a reassurance that I needed, but refused to seek. Today, I guess He didn't want me to run any further. Thanks MQ jie, thanks Dad-up-there. Everything's gonna be alright.
If it wasn't for my Dad-up-there running timely, divine interventions. I would have been ashed already. Perhaps really forgotten. No, I've not fulfilled my destiny, whatever it may be, and God's not gonna let me go easy without fulfilling him. Given my complicated background, I'm glad I know God through the families I've been entrusted to. If it wasn't for all that I've been taught, I would not have been able to handle all the hurts, pains and sadness given to me by this stigma of rejection that I carry. If it wasn't for His timely intervention with people like my jie, or my friends, I would have quit a long time ago.
A special thanks to all of you. My friends n archers. Everyone of you have brought special meaning to my life, and no doubt, a blessing in your unique ways. Really appreciate you all. Sometimes, I wonder what I could have possibly done right to deserve blessings like all of you. I'm still wondering. =P
And my best buddy, Nessa. Thanks for letting me burden you with my painful moments. Totally enjoy ur nonsensical moments as well too! Tho we don't talk much nowadays, u'll still be a buddy.
Alli... It's been a thrill to have known u, a huge blessing as well. I've learnt much and grown much knowing you.
Everything will be alright!
Thanks!
listening to the rain...
10:46 PM
