Something to be?

I'm feeling really confused. I wanna go uni, but it seems that my mom is not supportive of the idea. Initially when I brought up the subject, she got all quiet. Then she said I should go out and work for a few years before I go uni.

That stumped me. Work for a few years??? How old would I be by then? Would I even want to study after that? Of course I could read what was on her mind. Money. She doesn't want to finance me through university education. She said that before and I understood that pretty clearly.

Fortunately for me there is such a thing called scholarships. And my ITP company's Director is willing to recommend me for one too. Still, she said something that really demoralised me. "Scholarships are for people who are academically fantastic. You are not." Was that to encourage me? Sorry, I don't feel too encouraged.

Its been clear all this time that she never had a good opinion of me. To her, I'm untrustworthy, unreliable, lazy, and will not do well in school. Maybe. I admit I'm a slacker. I got on honors roll for 2 years consecutively without much effort. Here is the truth. I never studied exceptionally hard for my first 2 years in Poly. Maybe the first Sem I did. But for the rest, I chilled.

Every time MST was near, I'd take up my books to start revising. But throughout the semester, I'd be day dreaming, passing day after day. For my maths, I did 2 past year paper for each examination, and I made my A's. Ditto for other subjects that had past year papers.

Yes, I am a slacker, albeit a talented one.

Guilty as charged. Firing squad please! listening to the rain... 2:14 AM

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