Short post
G12 conference finally over. Phew... past few days didn't sleep enough. Waking up early to go for conference sessions, falling asleep in it etc.
Its been an interesting conference. A lot of first time for everything.
First time my brother spoke on the pulpit to the church AND international delegates. And he's only 20.
First time a girl walked up to me, and told me that she's observed me for 3 years and thinks that I'm becoming better looking. Talk about paisehhness!
Food was pretty good at the conference this year, thanks to my VIP badge. So had access to the lounge areas etc. Shiokness. But felt a bit bad for leaving my cell buddies behind at the main areas, so forsaked a few meals to eat with them.
And, I NEVER KNEW SUZANNE was in FCBC YouthNet as well. She's my archery junior, and I had NO clue. When I ran into her just now, I was like "what are you doing here?????" and she said the same thing. Man, its a small world. But by replying me like that, it shows that she's still new to the family. =D
I have to admit, the conference was refreshing. I've been falling away from God quite a bit lately, n that really happens often lar. Seeing the miracles and real life testaments from people around me, I realized how far I've gone away to be blinded like that. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps...
The events at this years conference has added a lot of stress to me as well. Everybody has been turning to me and asking the same dreaded question after my brother's sermon. "When's it your turn?" I wished I could slap the fools. Already I hate being compared to my wonderful brother and they say this to me. In all fairness, they didn't know either.
I hate to speak publicly. I hate to make a fool of myself. I prefer to NOT venture out of my lil emotional fortification and keep my words to myself. I do not like to speak to masses of people I don't know. Unfortunately, I think my mom sort of planned it all out that Michelle and I would be on stage for next year's conference. ARGH!! Neither of us are feeling comfortable about it. Damn!
I would hate to be a hypocrite in front of all the people. I know how messed up my life is at the moment. I know how unstable my thought process is now... And I'm afraid. Afraid of being discovered. Its not to bad to be a hypocrite UNTIL the truth catches up and exposes him. Afraid to be discovered on how I wrestle for my sanity. To dismiss foolish thoughts, voices and suggestions. This is why I don't blog as much nowadays... I really don't know when I am myself.
listening to the rain...
12:51 AM
