Running away fast.

I hate this feeling. Times where the right thing to do would be the wrong. When the distinctions of right and wrong becomes faded gray. To do the right thing, would be the selfish option. To do the wrong thing, would be silence.

No, I cannot do it. It would wreck the warm relations of the status quo. Things will work out. Let it be.

I hate you. For making me feel like this. For making me choose such hard options. For making me choose silence over honesty. For making me keep up with my false pretense. I wish I never knew you. "I hate you." I wish I could say this to you, and at the same time the reverse was also true. What a paradox...

I'm so tired of what my life represents. So jaded of what I am living for. Tortured by the truth that what I live for is out of my grasp. That at the end of the day, I would have amounted to nothing.

If I could have one miracle or wish, I'd wish that I'd just drop dead, to disappear from existence.

25 years. To have gained so much, and lost as much. Every time I find something to be joyful about, a reason to stay alive and look forward to tomorrow, its taken away. Almost as if to observe my reaction. I hate that.

March 15. I dread the coming of that week. To lie to everyone that I feel happy, blessed and grateful for the provisions of God. But all I feel is bitterness and frustration. The false pretense. I hate myself. Let it all end, I beg... listening to the rain... 8:32 PM

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