I mean Century.

My mistake. Bad english from me. I mean a QUARTER OF A CENTURY.

A decade is 10 years. A Century is 100 years. Yes, its a quarter of a century.

Kinda tired. Disgusted with myself. For having thrown away a good portion of my youth, wasting it away. And now, I'm still a nothing. I hate myself for the mistakes I've made. I hate myself for right things that I did not do. For having lost my dreams, for losing sight of my hopes. For being a nobody in life. I need to find my reason, my purpose. I don't want to get stuck in this hamster wheel forever. To run and run, and go nowhere.

To see my friends, peers... Already independent, some starting their own families already. I feel happy for them. And fucked up about myself. Honestly, I really don't want to see them. Everytime I see them, I feel that I'm being judged for my failures.

I'm tired. Let me enjoy myself, let me have fun. Let me feel alive. Let me feel loved. Give me this break please. Let me just step out from this rat race. I don't want to hate myself for being the last rat. I really don't wanna be a part of it! Even if I win, I'm still a rat! Whats the point?! Let me be free!

Where are you? My deliverer, my salvation. Where are u? My source of hope. Rescue me from this lonely abyss, put me upon eagle's wings. Here I am, hold me in your embrace, and bring me to where I belong.

Where I belong... listening to the rain... 10:36 PM

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