Fireworks!
It was my first time seeing fireworks live! And so close!! Really awesome sight! The fireworks display lasted a full 10 mins. Its hardly comparable to the 1hr displays in the US, but still, WOW! Yes yes, I shuld have been at prayer meeting. But no, I think fireworks displays are more fun. =D
It felt like a celebration! As though the fireworks were welcoming me into the reality I've been missing out. So fun!
It was a good day at school perhaps? Submitted the last bits of my ICD project, so its CASE CLOSED. Finally. After school, went down to the hospital to visit granny b4 heading down to city hall to meet Jol and Co. for dinner n fireworks display. As described earlier, the display was spectacular by Singapore standards.
Tmr's a public holiday! Woo Hoo!! Gonna stay home n watch the parade. Nothing's gonna change THAT plan. Every year, without fail, I'll stay home n watch the parade n the flyby. Its gonna be an awesome flyby with the Air Force's new Apache choppers flying flag escorts. Oh, heard some rumors that 2 of them are VOR already... will wait for press release to hear what exactly happened.
Mood's a bit better these few days. Cleared projects and outstanding assignments. Now left the exams to mug for. I kinda realised that its all these expectations from my leaders and 12 thats been dragging me down. Everytime I get a call from him, its some kinda lecture on how I fail to be accountable and my lack of commitment to turn up for meetings. In a way, after a while, it just bites me. I feel so inadequate among all the established leaders in our 12 and 144 level. Tmr, I'm gonna throw in the towel on that. I can't let that drag me forever. I'm not cut out to be on the 144 level, I cannot make their requirements nor do I want to. Trying to do so just kills me and drags me to the pits. There is no joy in it, so no point doing it.
So what exactly do I like doing? I like reading the news, staying informed (being a smart aleck), I like hanging out with friends! I enjoy spending time in the virtual cockpit of an F-16, i LOVE playing pool and archery. I don't liked to be dragged to do something, I like to be motivated to do something. Dragging me to 144 meetings, or prayer meetings (how i loathe these 2 words), does not motivate me. Neither does the follow up lecture / reprimand!
Was doing a bit of thinking. Einstein was right on his theory of relativity. Everything is relative, ESPECIALLY perception. You percieve things positively, things will look positive. Percieve things poorly, it will be poor. A famous quote I read somewhere, "Your Focus determines your reality." Whoever who wrote that is one smart aleck. I don't even want to pretend to know how this works, (Okay, im actually too lazy to discuss,) just that in most situations it works. I guess thas why so many ppl turn to divinations and fortune telling in hopes of someone giving them a positive focus to look forward to.
So why don't I just focus on LIKING the stuff that my church leaders expect me to do? Sooner or later I will LIKE it right? BOLLOCKS! The human brain is not something you can reprogramme just like that. If it was that easy, I would have done it! My screwed up little brain is wired differently from all the other apes around. I don't like to be seen, I don't like to be heard (unless among friends), and I don't like to be dragged around! Life is so short, if i have to force myself to focus on liking something that I don't, I might as well order my coffin already. Ya ya.. sooner or later in life we will have to do something we don't like.... bla bla bla.... At this point of my life, my philosophy is, 兵来将挡， just get it over n done with! Then back to the things I'm passionate about.
I dun wanna spend my whole life, reprogramming myself to like things that I obviously hate doing. Thats not the way to live.
listening to the rain...
2:13 AM
